I prolly won't be blogging from there, so ya'll have to get yer cussin' somewhere's else for a spell. Try Zam, she knows all my good ones and I bet she could come up with a few of her own...
I'll be back next Sunday (2/8). Hope you all have a swell week!!!
This was today. With the sun shining. Not tonite after the sun went down. Today. Sun. Minus fucking ten fucking degrees.
and get this. I was driving a dog home and I saw two dogs running up the street all by themselves. Quite often when you try to round up a stray it'll just run from you, but luckily these two came up to me and I nabbed them and got 'em in the car. Fortunately one of them had a tag with an address just a block away and I was able to take them home. Chase and Smokey's family didn't even know they were loose. They were very shocked to find I had them in my car and grateful. I'm just darn glad I was the one who saw them. They were having a fine old time, but dogs really can freeze up fast in this weather. Their paws get too cold and they slow down or stop. Then it's dogsicle city, man. But, all's well that ends well. They found their way home and are prolly getting treats in front of the fireplace right this second.
Minus fucking ten fucking degrees. That's all I wanted to say.
That's right. Just two inept non-baby familiar people and a newborn human. Then you're supposed to figure out how it all works. That just boggles my mind. Now for those of you who've always known you'd be parents someday, this prolly seems odd. But I was always the "No, I won't be having kids." kinda gal. And now look at me. 9 weeks pregnant, nauseous and tired all the time and no end in sight (since we have the crazy notion of having a second one, so this one can have the joys of torturing a younger sibling, just like we did). All along, you were probly gathering bits of info here and there and storing it away for one day when you had some of your own. Me? I disregarded all the baby/child info that passed me, cuz I wasn't havin' any. So now where am I? Clueless? Well, not completely, but close. Worried that I can't handle it? A little, but hell, I'm a pretty smart person and the Rock Star, well, he's a freakin' genius. There isn't anything (that I've found yet) that he isn't a bona-fide wiz at. So while I know we're gonna figure it out, I'm a little concerned about ruining this first one in the process. I mean, you guys read about my sushi making learning curve right?
In other (but not surprising) news, I've successfully procrastinated on doing the invoices since last Monday. Time is getting really crunchy on this one, since we're leaving Saturday for a week.
Here's something very weird. I haven't knitted more than a row at a time in weeks. I started a pair of socks out of some self-patterning yarn (you just knit and the different colored stripes magically appear) after I finished the Fuzzy Feet. I got about 4 inches done on the cuff and damned if the yarn or something doesn't make me feel nauseous. I'm not kidding. Every time I think I'd love to knit on those socks, my stomach turns. It's very bizarre. I need a project to take with me on the trip. I think I'll have to break my vow (to finish each project before I start another one) and get some different sock yarn. grrrrrrr.
Big changes coming to the blog very soon. For xmas the Rock Star gave me a domain name and webhosting for a year, plus installed Movable Type on it. This past weekend the lovely Azure designed two beautiful skins and set up skinning on the new site. I just need to load a few things in there and then I'll be all set to move over to the new and improved Inspired Procrastination. As soon as it's all ready I'll post the coordinates to my blog's new position in the space/time continuum and hopefully I'll see you all over there!!!
(Snagged the link from Buddha.)
I'm wondering why we're even doing this. I'm wondering when I'm ever gonna be myself again? Will I ever be myself again? I loved our life before. I loved who I was and who he was and I loved that we had a reasonable amount of disposable income and time and we were incredibly happy with each other just living our life. We could have sex whenever we wanted to, we could drop everything and go anywhere anytime. I'm missing feeling good and healthy and strong. This being tired and sick thing is wearing me down. I can't seem to stop crying today. I know I wanted this baby, and I suppose the feelings I'm having are natural, but what if this is all a big mistake. What if I don't like being a mom? What then? It's not like you can return them. I'm scared, I guess. and I miss my old life already. and I feel bad for even thinking these things.
The Rock Star says it'll all be alright and I know it will. I do. We'll make our life what we want it to be just like we always have. But knowing that and feeling that are two different things. Today seems to be all about feeling. I'm better with the knowing part. I've always had control over my emotions and today it seems like they're controlling me. I don't like that. Besides, I can't think of a single thing for lunch that doesn't make me wanna heave. Fuck, maybe I should just go back to bed...
I'm too tired to be pissed off at all the dumb-ass drivers out there. Maybe aliens abducted all their turn signals? Why is it that folks can contort themselves to talk on their cell phones, write notes, and apply mascara, but can't turn around to have a look before they switch lanes? and what the fuck is up with sitting at a red light in the left turn lane with out you blinker on (leading all of us to believe that you're not turning left), then as soon as the light goes green you turn your fucking left turn on? Had I known you were gonna turn left, you dumb-fucking moron, I'd have gotten in the other lane (after using my signal and looking over my shoulder, of course), and wouldn't have had to sit here through the whole stupid light. But like I said. I'm too tired.
I napped. That's what I did today. I may be new at this gestating thing, but I'm starting to be really good at some of it. And napping is one of the things I'm best at. I laid down at 1:30 pm and started waking up again at 4:30. There are some things I don't procrastinate on and napping is sure one of them. heh!!
Something happened last night that I don't ever want to see again. It was truly awful, and I'm not kidding around here. My Big Dog (Big) was out in the yard and I went to bring her in. The yard is packed with snow, which is usually no problem, but right where you step down from the yard onto the dry sidewalk is where it is the slipperyest. That is also the spot where she is coming through the gate and turns to come right up the front steps. I called her name and she came romping around the bend at full speed and somehow missed her footing in that one spot and came down like an avalanche on the steps. I heard her head crack down on the cement steps. Heard. her. head. crack. down. One second she was all running and rompy and big beautiful dog in motion and the next the legs were all in the wrong positions and her head was cracking into the cement steps. She was dazed for just a moment, then got up and kind of shook off and stood there. I was aghast. Omifuckinggod it scared me. I got her up the steps and inside and made her walk around the house to see if she was limping anywhere, then I got down on my knees and hugged her head and cried. the Rock Star was checking her pupils to see if they reacted properly and I got out the bag of treats and started handing them to her. She seems to be ok, but let me tell you this, I don't EVER want to hear that sound again. Never. and if my child wants to play rough sports, I'm not watching. No way.
It's knitting group tonite. Hoping to get some ideas for a good first sweater project. I'll have to clean up before I go though. This day off napping thing made me stinky.
We spend a lot of time lately talking about real estate. We own a house and rent out the upstairs and we have the main floor and the basement. It needs a lot of work to be ready to bring the baby home. So we can plan an extensive remodel, while we're living here. We've considered buying another house to live in and turning this one into a total rental. We could take over part of the upstairs and still have a little rental income, or we could take over all of the upstairs and have the whole house to ourselves. We could live upstairs, while remodeling the downstairs, then switch. Lots of choices. and a Deadline.
Trip to San Francisco planned for 1/31 - 2/7. It'll be nice to go somewhere warm!!! and the food!!! mmmmmmm. There's a Mexican place called Farolito right up the street from the BIL and the food is so fucking good. Quesadilla Suiza. mmmmmm and Dim Sum. We always have Dim Sum in SF. Oh how I love Dim Sum!!!! It's like all you can eat, but you don't even have to get up to go get it!!! The nice ladies come around with all the tasty goodness in bamboo steamers and its like my birthday except all the presents are food. I can't even describe how much I love Dim Sum. I get giddy!!! We plan on telling the Rock Star's brother about the baby when we're there. We're excited to do it in person!!
I really don't like the socks I'm working on right now, so I went looking for another project to knit. I'll need something fairly mindless for the trip. Knitting on the plane is great!! I'll prolly look again tomorrow.
I have the rest of the day to myself. No more doggies to walk today. I'm gonna work on invoices!! wooohoooo. not. And try to stay warm! Wish me luck!
I expected a bit of a fight when talking about cat litter boxes and Toxoplasmosis. My situation is totally different than most people's in that I'm a professional pet-sitter. That means that I have cleaned so many more litter boxes in the last eight years than most people will in their entire lives. I have most likely been exposed to Toxoplasmosis and my research tells me that if I have been my body will show an immunity to it and it's not a danger to this pregnancy. It's only when you are exposed for the first time during pregnancy that it is dangerous. I make a fair bit of my living caring for people's cats while they're on vacation and I don't want to have to turn that down if I don't have to. If I've already developed an immunity, then I can keep doing that work (and collecting that moolah) with no threat to the baby. So I wanted them to do a titer for the immunity and I expected them to say, "No. Insurance doesn't pay for that." or something like that. But nope. She just nodded and made a note in the chart and in a couple of days I'll know if I have the immunity. If I find out I don't, then of course I'll quit the cat visits, and even if I do have it I'll continue to wear latex gloves and a face mask and wash my hands after every visit.
After answering all our questions the CNM did an examination and everything seems normal and in tip-top shape. She said my cervix is strong and thick and that my uterus is the size of a tangerine and tipped back. Nothing wrong with that, she said, just one of the positions it can take.
We have another appointment in 4 weeks and at that one we'll be able to hear the baby's heartbeat (and record it if we want!!). We're very excited for that. This week his arms and legs are forming and he is the size of end of my pinky. I'm still nauseous all the time and exhausted. My bowels can't seem to decide which is more fun, diarrhea or constipation. But even with all that, this whole thing is so interesting and valuable and just plain amazing, we marvel everyday.
The idea is to pick a couple blogs you like to read and tell people why, maybe spread the word about some blogs that aren't really well known yet. I think my picks this time are actually quite well known, but I tell you this, I read them every day and you should give 'em a look.
Babzilicious is the greatest blog name and she is so nice and funny and real. She knits and she mothers and she writes things in a way that both makes me think, and is so warm and welcoming you feel like she's sitting there having coffee with you. Give her a look-see, if you haven't already!!!
Nefarious is a hoot and a half. His Word of The Day stuff is hilarious and he's just the right mix of smart and ass. Well, not ass at all, but he's a fine smart-ass!!! I do not miss a day of Nef. You shouldn't either. His wife is swell, too, and she blogged me forward today, so I'm saving her for next time.
I'm sure I'm the last person on earth to find Picklejuice (just having found her last week). Everyone seems to have gotten to this party before I did, but hell, it's still in full swing so I'm staying. This woman is seriously funny. No I am not fuckin' with you. Seriously funny. If for some reason you're still hanging around in the kind of hole I was in, drag your ass out and go to the Picklejuice party. You'll wonder what you did for fun before.
We went to a dinner party that evening and someone brought venison medallions that were marinated in something garlicky then cooked medium rare, and holy crap was that good!.There is something primal about chewing off a hunk of half raw meat...
Sunday was the day of getting up, and getting stuff done. I finished a bunch of laundry that had been laying around for like two weeks, then hit the desk for some paperwork. I'm proud that I've come up with a monthly payment schedule for my quarterly estimated taxes and SEP contribution, so I don't get smacked with a big honkin' payment 4 times a year. Got my employee's paychecks all ready to go and a nice fat to do list ready for this week. A very productive day. At the end of it we sat down to watch Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness and eat yummy ice cream with caramel sauce. (Prolly shouldn't have had that second bowl.) Went to bed too late and Big Dog woke me up at 3 am and 5 am, needing to go outside (she has diarrhea again) and I feel guilty that I was so pissed off about not being able to sleep that I yelled at her...poor baby. She's so sweet and I'm so evil. I apologized this morning and in true doggy fashion she forgave me. This, of course, made me feel even guiltier.
We ran this morning. First time the temperature has been above 20, and below that is just too fuckin' cold to run. My lungs would explode. 20 minutes. That's all, just 20 little minutes of doing something that is good for me, and good for the baby. I just wanted to sleep...
Tomorrow (Tuesday) is our first prenatal appointment. We're at 7 weeks today. Holy shit. We're gonna have a baby. Holy shit.
There you go, the weekend in a nutshell and some random thoughts. Wish me luck keeping the vicious evil bitch under control today...
Holy crappin' shit hell fuck!!! This:
This is my lucky charm, the Little Dog. She's a she, but she's named a boy's name. She came with that name. I adopted her from some clients nearly 2 years ago. I love the crap outta her, and so did they, but their human daughter was allergic so she needed a new home, a lucky break for me. She is cute, but don't be fooled, she is badness itself. I'd like to get video someday of how she knocks the metal, closed garbage can over and rips into that bag such that you'd swear it must have exploded from inside. Must be a real sight to see.
The Big Dog is my first baby, my angel, the dog love of my life. She'll be seven in March. She was made for me during the roughest time in my life (I'd been widowed the previous year) and literally saved my life. I had nothing else I wanted to live for, until I made her love me and depend on me, so I couldn't kill myself and leave her here alone. It's hard to get the scale of this dog from the picture. The bed she is laying on is as wide and almost as long as a twin size bed. She weighs 150 pounds. I swear I didn't pose her with lambie like that. I just turned around from my desk and she was laying like that. Cute, huh?
This picture was taken on New Year's Eve and my husband is so unutterably adorable, I thought I'd share it. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what, but as I was looking through pics today, I saw some of him and just wanted to cry, I love him so much!
This is one of the socks I just finished knitting. They are huge!!! That is a 12 inch ruler underneath. The idea is to shrink them up in the wash and they end up looking like this. Hopefully, I'll be doing that today. I'll post a pic after they're done, but before I wear them around the house and they are covered with dog hair and wild dust bunnies!
That's it darlings. Hope you all are having a good day.
Then walk upstairs to find the little dog has puked up the cocoa she snuck into kitchen and tore apart a bag for earlier today. That'll put you off chocolate for awhile, lemme tell ya.
And it is inhumanly cold here. Holy shit. Next time I say something stupid like "I really like the change of seasons. I wouldn't want to live somewhere where it's warm all the time...", would someone please just slap me. It's cold like it hurts to be outside. I have more and better gear than lots of folks, cuz when I used to walk dogs full time, I had to be out there a lot. I have turned into such a puss, it's unbelievable. I used to walk up to 16 dogs a day in this kind of weather. It was tough, but I did it. I have windproof, waterproof hats, neoprene face masks, gaters for my neck, all different kinds of layers for my upper and lower body, a good waterproof coat, thick and warm gloves, really excellent waterproof, comfortable hiking boots, and several pairs of $12 socks designed to wick moisture away from my feet to keep them dry and comfy. The only exposed flesh on my entire body is a strip across my eyes, between the bottom of the hat and top of the nose and cheek covering face mask. And still, the wind chill finds a way in. My body is clenched from it. I have a knot in my back that will take a burly former wrestler turned masseuse to work out. GAHHHHHH!!!!
Constant nausea from the morning sickness and now, wait for it, wait for it...the dreaded constipation. I can't imagine how I'm gonna push a 7 pound baby out if I can't even expel a half an ounce of poop. And I've tried, oh lord, I've tried. I'll spare you anymore details on that, but just let me say: Constipation makes me Cranky. Really fuckin' cranky. Go figure.
Well, there you go. I hope you're having a good day...really I do.
I am writing to complain about Animal Planet's statement about the Croc Hunter taking his baby into a pen with a crocodile. This act was completely insane. Anyone who has seen even just the still photos can see that the child's head was not supported, was dangling and he could have been injured just by his father's movements alone. Not to mention the sheer idiocy of taking a 1 month old, completely helpless baby into a very, very dangerous situation. The Croc Hunter's response that he is trying to educate his child about crocs is patently absurd. There is nothing that a 1 month old baby is capable of absorbing and profiting from in that experience.
The Animal Planet's statement that a mistake was made, but that they know that this man would never harm his family is weak and stupid. He DID knowingly take his child into extreme danger. The act in question completely negates anything he'd ever done or said to show that he cares about his family. It is clear he only cares about grandstanding and attention for himself. This act was sickening. Just sickening. His program should be taken off your network. If you as a network continue to profit by a man capable of such horrific stupidity, then you are worse than he is. As long as your network promotes this man I and my family will NEVER watch ANYTHING on Discovery, Animal Planet or anything affiliated with them. I will active seek out which advertisers are promoting his show and I will NEVER buy anything from any of them again.
I fully realize that my gestures are small. I am one person and probly don't even matter to large companies and their bottom lines. But you (whoever is reading this) have to live with yourselves. If you can stomach making even a little of your living from this kind of spectacle, then I feel sorry and sick for you.
Today they replied:
Thank you for contacting Animal Planet.
Animal Planet does not support any activity that intentionally places a child in harms way. Based on the footage we have seen, we believe a mistake was made. That said, we know from the many years we have worked with Steve, that his family is the most important thing in his life and he takes his role as a father very seriously.
A reply to this message is not necessary. If you have any further inquiries or comments, please contact us via our webform at http://extweb.discovery.com/ViewerRelations. Thank you again for expressing your interest in our programming.
So I wrote back today to say:
I don't think you read what I wrote. I did not express an interest in your programming, I expressed outrage at your continued promotion of the Croc Hunter. You've replied with the statement that I was complaining about. Your statement says that you know his family is the most important thing in his life and he takes his fatherly role very seriously. My point was that obviously he does NOT think his family is the most important thing. He apparently thinks dangerous stunts to get attention are the most important thing. He obviously does NOT take his fatherly role seriously, otherwise he would not have endangered a newborn baby by taking it in reach of a carnivorous animal and swinging its poor unsupported head about in the process.
Your statement was weak and self-serving. Your statement should have been that you cannot possibly promote yourself as a family oriented network if you think it's ok for this man to endanger his child for attention. Your statement should have been that you will be pulling his show off the network and that you have no interest in profiting by his appalling lack ofjudgmentt. Unless, of course, you don't mind making money off of someone who would do things like this without apology. Because if the decision making people in your company feel comfortable making a profit promoting a person like this, then by all means, do continue. You won't be making any profit from me and neither will the sponsors of that show.
K, so what I want to know from anyone out there who reads this: Do you know of any internet or other resources to find out sponsors of a show or network (besides watching the show)? Once I know sponsors, I can prolly find ways to contact them. I don't usually get worked up about stuff like this, but I am just sick to my stomach about how people can turn their heads and go on doing business as usual in the face of something as disgusting as this.
s'cuse me. Gotta go lay down again.