My sister and her family gave me a Jamba Juice card, so I can get my fix every morning. My mom picked out really cute pair of maternity bib overall shorts. She's not very good at picking clothes for us, so it's always kinda nervewracking when you see the clothes box shaped gift. She did great this year, tho!! I love them!! My husband gave me a brake job and oil change. We had discussed it earlier and I just have anything I really wanted, so told him that going out for dinner with my family was enough. Then day before yesterday, I heard that funny sound...you know, the one that used to strike fear into my heart because I was too broke to pay for new brakes. I'm not too broke now, but I immediately called my husband and said, "Good news, honey, I know what you can get me for my birthday!". We're cracking up cuz last year he built me a brand new kick ass gaming computer and this year I got a brake job. Oh yeah, and he made another batch of Ghiradelli brownies and got some chocolate ice cream to go with. mmmmmm, good.
All in all it was a very nice birthday, but today's news was all I needed to feel like the luckiest woman in the world. :)
I got a bunch of things done, and was trying to work on my taxes and my printer went wonky on me and I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to kitchen and dished up some vanilla ice cream with butterscotch and came back here to read a few blogs. The very first one I pulled up was this post from Michele at Coffeesoup. Funny coincidence, no?
2. Erin at Chix Mix is fundraising for the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. It's a good cause and I can personally guarantee a warm toasty feeling inside if you send her some money. Go here to donate directly, or better yet go here to read this very cool babe's blog and then donate. Either way, it's worth your while. Really how much is a while worth, anyhow?
First off I want to say that the basic conflict in this scenario comes from how much we LOVE the midwives in this practice. Otherwise, I'd say fuck it and I'd be shopping for a midwife group that practices in a facility that can promise what I want. The HCMC Midwife unit was established over 30 years ago and is one of the most well respected Midwife units in the country. Each of them has been friendly, approachable, responsive, informative, caring, thoughtful and a whole bunch of other good adjectives. We have enjoyed every single interaction with them. We feel like we are in good hands with these women. Their philosophies match ours exactly. They understand and support my interest in natural childbirth.
In the hospital where they practice they have a beautiful Nurse Midwife unit with large rooms, and tubs and showers. A Midwife unit nurse is assigned to a laboring mother and only that mother...one to one. The Midwives themselves may have to go around and be helping a few mothers at a time, but they try to staff so that all laboring women get all the attention and help they need. The problem comes in when there aren't any or enough women laboring in the Midwife unit to justify keeping it open and staffed 24 hours a day. OR there are too many and the Midwife unit doesn't have enough rooms. Obviously, no one can say whether this will happen when I go into labor. If it does I get sent over to Labor and Delivery, a different unit of the hospital, even though it's only about 60 feet away. That is a whole different staff, procedure, policy, etc. I have been promised that as a Midwife patient, even if I get shunted over to L&D, I still have a Midwife managed birth.
While we were at the hospital having blood drawn yesterday, we had a very nice visit with a Midwife we hadn't met yet, Kayde, and then decided to ask someone to show us around the L&D unit, in case we got sent over there when the time came. We'd already toured the Midwife unit last week when we were there for the Ultrasound and Amnio. So this L&D nurse was showing us around and even though she knew I was a Midwife unit patient, was telling me that this, that and the other thing are the "way things are done over here", no matter what the Midwives have told us. We get the feeling there is some political friction between the two units. I wasn't going to argue with her, but I came away from the whole thing really upset. I spent the night upset, sleepless and crying.
I called the Midwives first thing this morning for clarifications and spoke with one that we'd met before. She assured me that I can decline the monitor if I want to and that they as Midwives would be there to advise me whether or not I would want to do that, based on the situation at hand. She agreed that mobility was important and that they agree with and support my views. She'd put a note in my chart about that so whoever was working with me would know my wishes. Regarding the time immediately following birth, she told me that even in the Midwife unit, a medical professional stays with you and the baby, but that they are staffed specially for that. There is sound, medical reasoning behind having a professional monitoring the baby during this transition phase, and I'm ok with someone being in the room with us. She said that even if the baby has to go to the nursery because of staffing problems, the father can go with him. I pointed out that's all well and good, but what do I do after I carry this baby carefully and healthfully for 9 months, then labor and deliver him safely...Do I just sit there all alone? No son, no husband? She understood and agreed, just tried to explain that sometimes it's necessary. I asked can I go with them to the nursery then? She said yes, I could, if I was stable. I informed her if I had a breath in my body, I'd crawl across the floor if I had, too. She was very understanding and said she knows how it is when that mothering instinct kicks in. I told her how it kicked in last night as I was thinking I could hit any one who tried to take him from me. I laid there last night and could not believe how powerful the feeling was. It was the first time I'd felt like this and it was quite shocking. But not in a bad way, unless I get arrested, of course ;). Anyhow, she said she'd make notes in my chart again and my wishes would be known, and everything that could be done, would be done, to respect them. I appreciated the frank and friendly way we talked. That's the thing about these midwives. They really are wonderful! We said good bye and I felt better, but not great.
Spoke with my sister a bit and she joked with me about how she knew for sure she didn't want to be the one who would try to cross me at moments like that. Apparently, I can be kind of scary. Fine. Whatever. ;)
I didn't expect another call from the midwives. They had heard my concerns and given me answers, and could very well have crossed me off the to-do list, but my phone rang and it was Kayde, the Midwife we met yesterday. She had heard that I'd called and been very upset, and was very worried that she'd said something to offend me. I explained that no, not her, we really enjoyed meeting her. I'd gone and met a L&D nurse and that was who upset me. She was relieved, and then spent some time addressing my concerns again. She said something that made me feel 100% better, even though I didn't know it was what I wanted and needed to hear. She listened to all I had to say, she said that they support my ideas and that they would just have to be my advocates if it came down to using L&D. I can't tell you how much I appreciated hearing that my ideas are supported, I'm not crazy, and that my husband and I would not have to spend our precious energy fighting the system for what we need. The midwives will give us advice we trust and when we make decisions we'll be able to feel good about them and most importantly the Midwives will advocate for us with the L&D staff if needed. Hearing this put my fears to rest. I feel so much better now and I'm willing to go forward, still trying to adjust my expectations to the situation at hand, but knowing that I don't have to accept every single hospital policy at face value. I have some power in this situation and I have advocates who will help me when I need it. I feel safer now.
And my husband made me Ghiradelli Brownies last night. I'll be using the chocolate therapy again tonite.
Something has been bugging me and it came to a head today. The midwife practice I'm using (and love) is based in a hospital. The midwives have their own unit just down the hall from labor and delivery area (where the Doctors deliver babies). Sometimes, no one can tell me how often, there aren't enuf women delivering in the midwife unit and they close it down for the evening. Then you have to go to labor and delivery. The policies, procedures, practices and philosophies are radically different there than in the midwife unit. In the midwife unit (MU) the rooms are large so I can move around in labor, something that sounds natural and comfortable to me. In L&D smaller rooms, but still room to move. In MU there are tubs and showers in the private rooms. In L&D only showers, but still private rooms. Those things I can live with and compromise on. The following are really problematic for me: In MU I won't be strapped to a monitor during any phase of labor/delivery unless there is some reason to think the baby is in distress. In L&D I have to be on the monitor when I first arrive, then during the second phase of labor. This means laying in the bed. Laying in the bed means NO mobility, which may mean labor will slow or stop, leading to pitocin to stimulate labor, which makes contractions harder and more painful, and laying down in general makes contractions harder to endure. The L&D way virtually assures I'll end up needing drugs or an epidural at some point. Pitocin and epidural actually increase the likelihood that a C-section will be necessary. The whole L&D approach virtually forces me down paths I don't want to go, unless there is some medically sound reason. The reason they make you stay on the monitor is that there aren't enough nurses to attend and they want to be able to watch everyone's progress and the baby from the nurse's stand. In MU the baby will stay with me constantly unless there is some medical reason for him to need to go to the nursery. In L&D they won't leave you alone with your baby for the first two hours, so unless they are well staffed enough that some medical person can sit in the room with you they take the baby away and put him in the nursery. I think it's positively barbaric that for some ridiculous NON-MEDICALLY necessary policy they would separate me from my baby for the first several hours of his life. I want that precious, wonderful time for my husband, my baby, and myself to be together and I don't want some nurse sitting there making us uncomfortable. It is idiotic for them to tell me it's better for him to be in a warming bed ALONE in the nursery, than with his father and I. After carrying him for all those months, laboring and delivering him, they'll take him away for no fucking good reason, and that is a total deal breaker for me. I don't know what to do about it. The way I see it, in order to have my baby in a hospital, I may be forced to submit to these horrid, wrong-headed policies for the first precious days of my baby's life outside my body. I don't think I can stand it!
I've never had a baby myself, but I was with my sister for both of her labors, 24 and 23 hours respectively. I've seen the epidural, pitocin, medical approach and I hated it. It's a major factor in why I didn't want to have a baby all these years. That was 16 years ago. I can't believe the maternity world is not more advanced now.
I'm not stupid. I'm not uninformed. I'm not rash. I'm a thinking woman who wants to give birth. Give birth as in labor and then deliver my baby. My body was made for this. I want it to do what I know it knows how to do. Why is that so fucking difficult to do in this fucked up day and age. It is just driving me nuts that I may have to fight to keep my baby in my arms, or give up the safety and security of the hospital, just for some basic birthing rights. How the fucking hell does one go about finding a safe, comfortable place to give birth in the way that feels right to them, without giving up all rights to my body and my baby's?
The not totally good news (as opposed to bad) is that Chromosome #15 shows a larger area on the tip than is normally seen. The counselor says this is a normal variant and that the enlarged tip does not contain any genes (apparently the genes are contained in other parts of chromosome 15). She says not to worry. Yeah, right. Well, I'm trying not too, but I must confess to being concerned. What we have to do is go in and have blood drawn (both of us) today, and they will grow a set of our chromosomes and see if either of us passed it on to him. If yes, that would be good, since both of us are fine (matter of opinion, I know). The results will be in by Thursday or Friday of next week. I'm disappointed to have to wait another week for results. I was so hoping we'd get perfectly normal results from the Amnio and be done with this...Guess not. I'll try not to worry, I know it does no good, but trying not to worry is like trying not to breathe sometimes. I can't help it. I guess I remain optimistic, but not as optimistic as I was.
Unfortunately, I'm not such a "go with the flow" kind of a person. I'm extremely good at adjusting my desires to what situations actually offer, but I know from experience that its better to do that ahead of time rather than in the heat of the moment. I abhor being stuck in the box of "this is the way everyone does it". I refuse to blindly follow the well trodden path, when it's not the way I want to go. There've been too many times in my life when I've gone my own way, with everyone telling me, "No, no, you can't do that!!", only to have everything turn out just fine. Our wedding is a good example. We didn't want to see each other before the ceremony and everyone said, "Oh, you have to take the pictures before the ceremony...". I said no. the Rock Star spent the night at his Aunt's house and we shared a wondrous moment of meeting each other fresh at the front of the hall and the ceremony was perfect. Then we joyfully paraded outside to meet the photographer as the waiters came out bearing trays of appetizers and wine and the bar opened. Our guests happily ate and drank for the hour it took us to capture the absolute perfect happiness we felt as newly married folks, then we made a grand entrance and dinner was served. It was perfect, and of course, every one said so. These were the same folks who were telling us it couldn't possibly be done.
My point is, I'm questioning the midwives philosophies and the hospitals policies carefully so as to tailor my expectations, but also to ask ahead of time whether I absolutely have to follow their path, or can we work out something different ahead of time. That's why I want a doula that has worked with those midwives before. I want a team of professionals who can and will work together to help me give birth as close to my ideal as possible, rather than an adversarial set up where no one will win. Harder than just following the well-trodden path? Maybe. Worth it? Oh, yes!
Now I'm not saying, I'm just saying...but just say someone dropped a beautiful piece of leftover manicotti (nice and firm, not smooshy or sloppy) on the floor and picked it up faster than a Scotsman grabs a dropped penny...It's still good, right? Right?
Update 3/23 1pm: Hell yeah, I ate it. And it was just fine!!! I may even "accidentally' drop my left over lunch manicotti today, too!!
Does anyone know if these things are real and where/how to buy them. I think this is HILARIOUS and want to get a couple, but haven't been able to find them. Thanks for any leads!!!
Today when my sister called me, she described the list of instructions her 15 year old son left for the care of his Goldfish and Beta fish last night while he stayed at a friend's house. He is just totally into his fish, and I think it's neat. Sister remarked how he wanted $10 for a small fish tank for sale at Wal-mart and they were having a hard time finding it. They're not broke, but they don't have money to throw around, either (who does?). I can't believe I didn't think of it before, but I have a very nice, big aquarium with heater, aerator and a bunch of other stuff, just sitting in the basement. I asked if she thought he'd be interested, and she said, "Are you kidding?! He'll flip!!". So she came over to get it and I tucked some cash in there so he could go buy some other supplies, maybe a book. I wish I could see his face when he comes home today and finds it!!!
Yesterday I was feeling very crabby, and now I feel really good. I hope the good feeling will translate into productivity, cuz it's invoice time again. I did get a few done yesterday, but not even half. If I push it today, I can mail them tomorrow. They're only a week late at this point. Only. heh! But even if I don't get the invoices done, I did manage to clear a space out in the basement by giving away the fish tank!! That's something.
We're not doing Amnio solely to find out the gender. At my age there is a higher chance of Down's Syndrome (1 out of 82), or other chromosomal problems (1 out of 51). Of course, we're at a much higher risk of having a perfectly normal, healthy baby, so I'm not overly concerned about the results. I read that Amnio can detect 400 possible defects and abnormalities. I figure if we use the Amnio to rule out those 400, that'll only leave me 6,000 other possible problems to worry about.
If you happen to be reading this around 2:30 - 3:00 pm CST, please cheer and clap to encourage the wee one to show us the goods. I'll post whatever we find out when I get home.
"The Procrastinatrix is articulate and has good communication skills, but sometimes these skills are overused, or used inappropriately."
OMG, I remember laughing my ass off when I got that review. You gotta understand that I have always gotten stellar reviews and raises and praise and all that crap, but during that one period in my life (after I had been widowed), I was suffering from depression and didn't give flying fuck about work or any other damn thing...This poor dear manager (she really was a sweetie) had to write this review and give it to me. She thought I was gonna be so upset. I think she was pretty shocked that I laughed and agreed and complimented her on her diplomacy skills. I mean, is that the nicest way you've ever heard some one called an opinionated, somewhat belligerent big mouth before, or what?
What's this we see? Far back, a long time ago a very young (5 year old) Procrastinatrix was a butterfly in a dance pageant...
Skipping ahead we see a Sweet 16 Procrastinatrix on her driver's license:
Ahh, the glory of youth. Here we see two pictures of the Procrastinatrix at her one and only modeling session (that turned out to be some guy trying to get our innocent (HA!!) heroine to remove her clothing for the camera):
What has become of the sweet Procrastinatrix in the intervening (is that a word?) years? She's 40 now and has become a wife and soon to be mother!!! (hint: she's not the one wearing a lime green spandex mini-dress). And who is that handsome man (not the one wearing lime green spandex shorts)? Why it's the Rock Star!!!
There you go. Flash from the past all the way to a couple of weeks ago. Hope you had fun, and didn't laugh yourself into a choking fit!!!
I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Go read Jenn the Java Diva at Mommy Needs Coffee. She is all the things I totally dig in a blogger: A real person, with real stories both funny (really, really funny most times) and sad and smart. The wisdom of the Magic Bean (coffee) is hers to impart. Make yourself a cuppa joe and partake.
Speaking of sleeping, I read in my Pregnancy Week by Week book that I should start getting used to sleeping on my side. Sleeping on my back (my super favorite most comfortable position) isn't good for me because my uterus is big enough to interfere with the circulation of a major blood vessel. Not good for me or the baby. OK. Fine. I slept on my side quite a bit last night. It helped to have a pillow between my knees, but my shoulders and hips still got tired. I tried wedging the pillow behind my back so I could lay partway on my back without cutting off the circulation, and it was ok, but cumbersome to be fucking around with that pillow everytime I needed to change positions (something I do a lot, especially when I'm sick). I went online this morning to look at Pregnancy Pillows. The Snoogle Deluxe looks nice, but I turn over a lot. I wonder how it works for people like me? An expensive experiment. Also in looking over the various products available, I wonder how I can use one and still snuggle with my husband. We do still actually enjoy sleeping together, for the snuggle factor, and I hate to lose it. Anyone out there with ideas of how you solved this problem, I'd love to hear...
The Rock Star made lasagna for dinner last nite. It was DEEEEE-licious. mmmmm, good. Best of all, we have left overs for lunch and dinner for a few days.
I read about FlyLady.net on someone's blog (can't remember who). It's an online resource for getting your home organized and keeping it that way. I like the idea of email reminders to do stuff, and her approach of taking baby steps is really smart. I started trying to follow her program this weekend and feel really good about it. I'm not focusing on the house cleaning aspect much, cuz we have a cleaning woman come in twice a month (business write-off for boarding dogs. heh!!), but more on using her reminders to help me declutter. My husband brought 10 boxes up from the basement several months ago, cuz I promised I would go through them and throw/give stuff away. Yesterday, due to FlyLady reminders I went through 7 of them. Today he brought me 5 more.
Our idea is to go through every box, bag, closet, cupboard and drawer in this house to get rid of as much stuff as we can. I want to choose items to keep for memorabilia or that we know we'll actually use at some point and store it all properly (labeled rubbermaid tubs). All the rest of it is crap we don't need. My goal is to have all this done (and there is a lot), plus our stuff packed for the move upstairs, by July 1st. We asked the tenants to move out by June 1st. Then we'll remodel and clean up the upstairs apartment to live in when the baby comes home in early September. While we're living up there, the downstairs can be remodeled and eventually (hopefully within a year) we'll be living in the whole house. This'll mean we'll have a baby's room, a master bedroom, guest bedroom, office and a beautiful sunny playroom, plus bathroom upstairs. Downstairs will be kitchen, dining room, bath room, living room & large foyer. When we have a second child we'll be able to turn the guest bedroom into another child's room. Some day we can finish off the attic and basement and have even more space. If we want to move to a better school district when the baby is old enough, we can buy another house and this one can be a rental again. That's the plan anyhow. We all know about the best laid plans, eh?