Wednesday, March 31, 2004

My Birthday
Thanks to all who sent Happy Birthday wishes (Zam, Suzy, Michele, PDawg, Natalie, Nefarious, Erin, Pete, and Ash). It was a very, very nice birthday! We went out for dinner at an Italian place that serves homemade pasta. I go there every year for my B-day. It's my special B-day restaurant. Anyone else got one of those?

My sister and her family gave me a Jamba Juice card, so I can get my fix every morning. My mom picked out really cute pair of maternity bib overall shorts. She's not very good at picking clothes for us, so it's always kinda nervewracking when you see the clothes box shaped gift. She did great this year, tho!! I love them!! My husband gave me a brake job and oil change. We had discussed it earlier and I just have anything I really wanted, so told him that going out for dinner with my family was enough. Then day before yesterday, I heard that funny know, the one that used to strike fear into my heart because I was too broke to pay for new brakes. I'm not too broke now, but I immediately called my husband and said, "Good news, honey, I know what you can get me for my birthday!". We're cracking up cuz last year he built me a brand new kick ass gaming computer and this year I got a brake job. Oh yeah, and he made another batch of Ghiradelli brownies and got some chocolate ice cream to go with. mmmmmm, good.

All in all it was a very nice birthday, but today's news was all I needed to feel like the luckiest woman in the world. :)
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 4:04:00 PM~#~~

Tears of Relief
The Genetic Counselor called a little bit ago to give us good news. The slightly abnormal Amnio results we got really are nothing to worry about. It turns out that the Rock Star has exactly the same chromosome #15. So instead of this being a family tragedy, it'll be a family joke. Throughout his life we can wonder if our son got his propensity to keep arguing even after the other person has given in from my husband, or maybe it'll be the insubordinate streak, or how about the uncontrollable desire to stick his finger in someone's mouth when they yawn in his presence? I've been so worried, and it turns out that I'm getting my wish that our child will be more like his father than me. Of course, it also means that it's the Rock Star's fault that I've been worried sick all week. I'll have to think of some ways he can make it up to me. I'm open to suggestions...
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:53:00 PM~#~~

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!
I'm 41 years old today!!! My dad called first thing this morning to say he's loved me for 41 years and 9 months. My husband woke me up with birthday snuggles and smooches. It's been a lovely day so far and it's only 9:30 am...
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 9:39:00 AM~#~~

Monday, March 29, 2004

Cruddy Monday
So I'm having kind of a crappy day. I am trying to not worry about those slightly abnormal amnio results. There won't be any news til Thursday, so it does no good to worry now. It's just hard not too. I called the Genetic Counselor with a few questions and missed her by about 5 minutes. I left her a voice mail, and she'll prolly call me back tomorrow and tell me not to worry and stay away from Google...Holy crap, you can find some scary shit out there. Most of the genetic stuff I found I can't understand cuz it's too technical, but what I do understand makes me think just how many bazillion things can go wrong with chromosomes.

I got a bunch of things done, and was trying to work on my taxes and my printer went wonky on me and I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I went to kitchen and dished up some vanilla ice cream with butterscotch and came back here to read a few blogs. The very first one I pulled up was this post from Michele at Coffeesoup. Funny coincidence, no?
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 4:29:00 PM~#~~

Two Things
1. I'm in the process of moving off of Blogger and onto an MT site with my own domain name. It's gonna be sooooo cooooooool. I'm posting here for the time being, but I wanted to give y'all (read with fake southern accent) a heads up that it'll be happening soon, so you can get ready to change your links, blogrolls, rss feeds and whatever. Or drop me completely, it'll be up to you (please don't!!!!). I just have a couple more little details to work out.

2. Erin at Chix Mix is fundraising for the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. It's a good cause and I can personally guarantee a warm toasty feeling inside if you send her some money. Go here to donate directly, or better yet go here to read this very cool babe's blog and then donate. Either way, it's worth your while. Really how much is a while worth, anyhow?
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:43:00 PM~#~~

Saturday, March 27, 2004

What Year is This?
2004, right? I cannot believe that in this day and age of technological advances that are sending photos back from our landing on Mars, we have not yet invented a telephone cord that doesn't twist into tight fucking knots stretching across my desk and making it impossible to pick up the phone without bending my face right down to the fucking thing...gahhhhhhh!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 6:24:00 PM~#~~

Located The Gates of Hell
The Gates of Hell! I've found them. They are my big dog's ass. I don't even wanna think what the fuckin' hell is causing the noxious fumes to emanate from there, but it must have something to do with demonspawn and everlasting damnation. Hooooo eeeee!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 5:38:00 PM~#~~

I got a coupon in the mail today for a free Jamba Juice Smoothie!!! Yippee!!! It's Mango Mantra for me today!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 12:05:00 PM~#~~

Friday, March 26, 2004

This is the Calm After The Rant
So I spent half of last nite not being able to sleep, crying, and playing various scenarios out in my head. This was all very frustrating but did make for a good excuse to have a whole Chipotle burrito (with guacamole) for lunch and take a nap today. Bottom line is I feel better about things today.

First off I want to say that the basic conflict in this scenario comes from how much we LOVE the midwives in this practice. Otherwise, I'd say fuck it and I'd be shopping for a midwife group that practices in a facility that can promise what I want. The HCMC Midwife unit was established over 30 years ago and is one of the most well respected Midwife units in the country. Each of them has been friendly, approachable, responsive, informative, caring, thoughtful and a whole bunch of other good adjectives. We have enjoyed every single interaction with them. We feel like we are in good hands with these women. Their philosophies match ours exactly. They understand and support my interest in natural childbirth.

In the hospital where they practice they have a beautiful Nurse Midwife unit with large rooms, and tubs and showers. A Midwife unit nurse is assigned to a laboring mother and only that to one. The Midwives themselves may have to go around and be helping a few mothers at a time, but they try to staff so that all laboring women get all the attention and help they need. The problem comes in when there aren't any or enough women laboring in the Midwife unit to justify keeping it open and staffed 24 hours a day. OR there are too many and the Midwife unit doesn't have enough rooms. Obviously, no one can say whether this will happen when I go into labor. If it does I get sent over to Labor and Delivery, a different unit of the hospital, even though it's only about 60 feet away. That is a whole different staff, procedure, policy, etc. I have been promised that as a Midwife patient, even if I get shunted over to L&D, I still have a Midwife managed birth.

While we were at the hospital having blood drawn yesterday, we had a very nice visit with a Midwife we hadn't met yet, Kayde, and then decided to ask someone to show us around the L&D unit, in case we got sent over there when the time came. We'd already toured the Midwife unit last week when we were there for the Ultrasound and Amnio. So this L&D nurse was showing us around and even though she knew I was a Midwife unit patient, was telling me that this, that and the other thing are the "way things are done over here", no matter what the Midwives have told us. We get the feeling there is some political friction between the two units. I wasn't going to argue with her, but I came away from the whole thing really upset. I spent the night upset, sleepless and crying.

I called the Midwives first thing this morning for clarifications and spoke with one that we'd met before. She assured me that I can decline the monitor if I want to and that they as Midwives would be there to advise me whether or not I would want to do that, based on the situation at hand. She agreed that mobility was important and that they agree with and support my views. She'd put a note in my chart about that so whoever was working with me would know my wishes. Regarding the time immediately following birth, she told me that even in the Midwife unit, a medical professional stays with you and the baby, but that they are staffed specially for that. There is sound, medical reasoning behind having a professional monitoring the baby during this transition phase, and I'm ok with someone being in the room with us. She said that even if the baby has to go to the nursery because of staffing problems, the father can go with him. I pointed out that's all well and good, but what do I do after I carry this baby carefully and healthfully for 9 months, then labor and deliver him safely...Do I just sit there all alone? No son, no husband? She understood and agreed, just tried to explain that sometimes it's necessary. I asked can I go with them to the nursery then? She said yes, I could, if I was stable. I informed her if I had a breath in my body, I'd crawl across the floor if I had, too. She was very understanding and said she knows how it is when that mothering instinct kicks in. I told her how it kicked in last night as I was thinking I could hit any one who tried to take him from me. I laid there last night and could not believe how powerful the feeling was. It was the first time I'd felt like this and it was quite shocking. But not in a bad way, unless I get arrested, of course ;). Anyhow, she said she'd make notes in my chart again and my wishes would be known, and everything that could be done, would be done, to respect them. I appreciated the frank and friendly way we talked. That's the thing about these midwives. They really are wonderful! We said good bye and I felt better, but not great.

Spoke with my sister a bit and she joked with me about how she knew for sure she didn't want to be the one who would try to cross me at moments like that. Apparently, I can be kind of scary. Fine. Whatever. ;)

I didn't expect another call from the midwives. They had heard my concerns and given me answers, and could very well have crossed me off the to-do list, but my phone rang and it was Kayde, the Midwife we met yesterday. She had heard that I'd called and been very upset, and was very worried that she'd said something to offend me. I explained that no, not her, we really enjoyed meeting her. I'd gone and met a L&D nurse and that was who upset me. She was relieved, and then spent some time addressing my concerns again. She said something that made me feel 100% better, even though I didn't know it was what I wanted and needed to hear. She listened to all I had to say, she said that they support my ideas and that they would just have to be my advocates if it came down to using L&D. I can't tell you how much I appreciated hearing that my ideas are supported, I'm not crazy, and that my husband and I would not have to spend our precious energy fighting the system for what we need. The midwives will give us advice we trust and when we make decisions we'll be able to feel good about them and most importantly the Midwives will advocate for us with the L&D staff if needed. Hearing this put my fears to rest. I feel so much better now and I'm willing to go forward, still trying to adjust my expectations to the situation at hand, but knowing that I don't have to accept every single hospital policy at face value. I have some power in this situation and I have advocates who will help me when I need it. I feel safer now.

And my husband made me Ghiradelli Brownies last night. I'll be using the chocolate therapy again tonite.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 9:45:00 PM~#~~

Thursday, March 25, 2004

This is a Rant.
I'm upset and I wanted to put this in my journal. It's a rant and it's not very pleasant and it's not very well written or edited. I imagine the jokester Procrastinatrix will return soon...

Something has been bugging me and it came to a head today. The midwife practice I'm using (and love) is based in a hospital. The midwives have their own unit just down the hall from labor and delivery area (where the Doctors deliver babies). Sometimes, no one can tell me how often, there aren't enuf women delivering in the midwife unit and they close it down for the evening. Then you have to go to labor and delivery. The policies, procedures, practices and philosophies are radically different there than in the midwife unit. In the midwife unit (MU) the rooms are large so I can move around in labor, something that sounds natural and comfortable to me. In L&D smaller rooms, but still room to move. In MU there are tubs and showers in the private rooms. In L&D only showers, but still private rooms. Those things I can live with and compromise on. The following are really problematic for me: In MU I won't be strapped to a monitor during any phase of labor/delivery unless there is some reason to think the baby is in distress. In L&D I have to be on the monitor when I first arrive, then during the second phase of labor. This means laying in the bed. Laying in the bed means NO mobility, which may mean labor will slow or stop, leading to pitocin to stimulate labor, which makes contractions harder and more painful, and laying down in general makes contractions harder to endure. The L&D way virtually assures I'll end up needing drugs or an epidural at some point. Pitocin and epidural actually increase the likelihood that a C-section will be necessary. The whole L&D approach virtually forces me down paths I don't want to go, unless there is some medically sound reason. The reason they make you stay on the monitor is that there aren't enough nurses to attend and they want to be able to watch everyone's progress and the baby from the nurse's stand. In MU the baby will stay with me constantly unless there is some medical reason for him to need to go to the nursery. In L&D they won't leave you alone with your baby for the first two hours, so unless they are well staffed enough that some medical person can sit in the room with you they take the baby away and put him in the nursery. I think it's positively barbaric that for some ridiculous NON-MEDICALLY necessary policy they would separate me from my baby for the first several hours of his life. I want that precious, wonderful time for my husband, my baby, and myself to be together and I don't want some nurse sitting there making us uncomfortable. It is idiotic for them to tell me it's better for him to be in a warming bed ALONE in the nursery, than with his father and I. After carrying him for all those months, laboring and delivering him, they'll take him away for no fucking good reason, and that is a total deal breaker for me. I don't know what to do about it. The way I see it, in order to have my baby in a hospital, I may be forced to submit to these horrid, wrong-headed policies for the first precious days of my baby's life outside my body. I don't think I can stand it!

I've never had a baby myself, but I was with my sister for both of her labors, 24 and 23 hours respectively. I've seen the epidural, pitocin, medical approach and I hated it. It's a major factor in why I didn't want to have a baby all these years. That was 16 years ago. I can't believe the maternity world is not more advanced now.

I'm not stupid. I'm not uninformed. I'm not rash. I'm a thinking woman who wants to give birth. Give birth as in labor and then deliver my baby. My body was made for this. I want it to do what I know it knows how to do. Why is that so fucking difficult to do in this fucked up day and age. It is just driving me nuts that I may have to fight to keep my baby in my arms, or give up the safety and security of the hospital, just for some basic birthing rights. How the fucking hell does one go about finding a safe, comfortable place to give birth in the way that feels right to them, without giving up all rights to my body and my baby's?
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 10:02:00 PM~#~~

Amniocentesis Results
I got the call back from the genetic counselor regarding the amniocentesis results a little while ago. The good news is that there is no indication of Downs Syndrome, Klinefelter's or Trisomy 18, the three major chromosomal anomalies that amnio looks for. A big relief. The amnio also confirms genetically that this is a boy. Not that he left us any doubt in the ultrasound pictures.

The not totally good news (as opposed to bad) is that Chromosome #15 shows a larger area on the tip than is normally seen. The counselor says this is a normal variant and that the enlarged tip does not contain any genes (apparently the genes are contained in other parts of chromosome 15). She says not to worry. Yeah, right. Well, I'm trying not too, but I must confess to being concerned. What we have to do is go in and have blood drawn (both of us) today, and they will grow a set of our chromosomes and see if either of us passed it on to him. If yes, that would be good, since both of us are fine (matter of opinion, I know). The results will be in by Thursday or Friday of next week. I'm disappointed to have to wait another week for results. I was so hoping we'd get perfectly normal results from the Amnio and be done with this...Guess not. I'll try not to worry, I know it does no good, but trying not to worry is like trying not to breathe sometimes. I can't help it. I guess I remain optimistic, but not as optimistic as I was.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:08:00 PM~#~~

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Home Birth?
Suzy asked a very good question in my comments. Given my control freak nature (my words, not hers), had I considered giving birth at home? Actually, I have, but decided against it for a couple reasons. Firstly, no matter how natural I want to be, I know it will be comforting to have medical intervention at hand should the need arise. But the biggest reason we ruled out home birth is fear of dust bunnies!!! With all the dog hair in this house (and, let's face it shall we, my not so hot housekeeping skills), I can totally imagine the beautiful, touching moment as the baby is born, all wet and perfect, and we are meeting him for the first time, marveling at his beauty when a big ole dust bunny skuttles over and jumps right on him. Yup, that's right. Whatever reservations I have about hospital policies shaping our birth experience, I'm sooooooo much more afraid of the feral herds of dust bunnies that roam this old house!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 8:32:00 PM~#~~

So VERY Busted!!!!
So the husband comes home from work and we make a nice dinner together and get all the dishes washed up. Then I came in here and sat in my computer chair and checked email, started making another round of the blogs to see who updated. the Rock Star changed clothes, gave me a smooch and headed out to meet some friends for a drink. I'm in here reading (Nef's site, in case your interested) and I hear a funny sound from the kitchen. Went to investigate and caught the little white dog with a piece of the garbage bag hanging out of her mouth. She looked SO surprised to see me when I quietly walked up behind her and asked, "What the hell are you doing, missy?!!?" Holy crap it was too funny. She thought we'd both left, and miraculously left the kitchen door open!!! Silly doggy!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 8:17:00 PM~#~~

It Ain't Easy
I was wondering if other midwives (it was recommended to me by one of the midwives) in the unit had read Birthing From Within and the one I was with yesterday said she has and liked it. I also asked if there were any specific doulas they recommended and she gave me a name. I have some pretty clear ideas about how I want things to be in laboring and delivering the baby (with the understanding, of course, that things most often don't go as you plan), and it's important to me to make sure my expectations match what the midwives and hospital actually do. If I go in with the idea that I can do things a certain way, and then some hospital policy says I can't, I'll be disappointed and angry. If I have a clear understanding ahead of time, I can adjust my expectations.

Unfortunately, I'm not such a "go with the flow" kind of a person. I'm extremely good at adjusting my desires to what situations actually offer, but I know from experience that its better to do that ahead of time rather than in the heat of the moment. I abhor being stuck in the box of "this is the way everyone does it". I refuse to blindly follow the well trodden path, when it's not the way I want to go. There've been too many times in my life when I've gone my own way, with everyone telling me, "No, no, you can't do that!!", only to have everything turn out just fine. Our wedding is a good example. We didn't want to see each other before the ceremony and everyone said, "Oh, you have to take the pictures before the ceremony...". I said no. the Rock Star spent the night at his Aunt's house and we shared a wondrous moment of meeting each other fresh at the front of the hall and the ceremony was perfect. Then we joyfully paraded outside to meet the photographer as the waiters came out bearing trays of appetizers and wine and the bar opened. Our guests happily ate and drank for the hour it took us to capture the absolute perfect happiness we felt as newly married folks, then we made a grand entrance and dinner was served. It was perfect, and of course, every one said so. These were the same folks who were telling us it couldn't possibly be done.

My point is, I'm questioning the midwives philosophies and the hospitals policies carefully so as to tailor my expectations, but also to ask ahead of time whether I absolutely have to follow their path, or can we work out something different ahead of time. That's why I want a doula that has worked with those midwives before. I want a team of professionals who can and will work together to help me give birth as close to my ideal as possible, rather than an adversarial set up where no one will win. Harder than just following the well-trodden path? Maybe. Worth it? Oh, yes!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 10:14:00 AM~#~~

Third Prenatal Appointment
Yesterday afternoon I had the third Prenatal appointment. the Rock Star didn't go with me cuz we'd spent such a long afternoon doing the Ultrasound and Amnio last Tuesday, and this one seemed like it was gonna be pretty short and routine. Which it was. I did the usual pee in a cup, then got weighed. I've only gained 1 pound since last month! WooHoo!!! I've been eating like a pig, and was feeling kinda guilty about it, but I'm right on track for the right amount of weight gain for me. The midwife listened for the heartbeat and measured my belly (18 cm) and some results from the Amnio were back. The Alpha Fetal Protein (AFP) triple screen profile results were normal. I don't understand it completely, but they can use information to statistically predict the possibility of Downs Syndrome and a couple other chromosomal anomalies. And my numbers did not indicate anything to be worried about. The complete Amnio results will be much more conclusive. They used material (collected from the amniotic fluid they took) to actually grow some of the baby's cells and analyze the chromosomes for problems. The results are due back anytime now, sometime before Friday. I'm extremely optimistic, but I don't get far from my cell phone, that's for sure.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 10:12:00 AM~#~~

Monday, March 22, 2004

Seeking Validation...
...of this 5-second rule as it pertains to dropping food on the floor. You know the one? Where if you pick the food up within 5 seconds of it hitting the floor the cooties haven't had time to get on it and it's safe to eat?

Now I'm not saying, I'm just saying...but just say someone dropped a beautiful piece of leftover manicotti (nice and firm, not smooshy or sloppy) on the floor and picked it up faster than a Scotsman grabs a dropped penny...It's still good, right? Right?

Update 3/23 1pm: Hell yeah, I ate it. And it was just fine!!! I may even "accidentally' drop my left over lunch manicotti today, too!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:30:00 PM~#~~

Does Anyone Know?
A friend sent me this pic:

Does anyone know if these things are real and where/how to buy them. I think this is HILARIOUS and want to get a couple, but haven't been able to find them. Thanks for any leads!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:18:00 PM~#~~

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Baby Blanket
I'm knitting a baby blankey out of the softest, sweetest yarn I've ever felt. It's Peter Pan Wendy Velvet Touch, and it is heaven. I've had to start over a couple times, due to my own inept planning, but I think I'm off to a good start on this new incarnation of the project. It'll be a 32" by 32" Crib Blanket with a garter stitch border and a basket weave pattern in the center. I have 8 skeins of this yummy yarn to knit it with. Wish me luck that I don't screw this one up!! Here's a pic of what I have so far:

~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:21:00 PM~#~~

Good Book
I'm reading a really good book called Birthing From Within by Pam England and Rob Horwitz. There's a lot about it that's too touchy feely for my taste, but down at the core of what she's saying I find a philosophy I really identify with. It's about identifying and using your own personal power to birth in the way that seems right to you. I am really committed to as natural of a birth as we can manage. We're using a midwife practice that we really love. I don't want anesthetics, no drugs, no epidural. I know it sounds crazy, and I'm not questioning other women's choices about their birthing experiences. I want to give birth to my baby. There is a quote in the book that makes so much sense to me: "There are three things about labor: it's hard work, it hurts a lot, and you can do it. That's the bottom line. All the rest you learn is icing on the cake." I just know I can do it, and I want to! I know, I know, let's all chuckle about how I'll change my mind when the first hard labor pains start rolling over me... But seriously, I really believe if I prepare myself as well as I can physically, mentally and emotionally for just how hard it will be, while knowing that I can do it, well, then I will. I want to be as present in this experience as I can be. This book is giving me a lot of good information about how to do that.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:05:00 PM~#~~

You Say It's Your Birthday!!
My birthday is March 30. I'll be 41. We're going to the Rock Star's mom's for dinner tonite, cuz she'll be out of town for my birthday. She had told him he should get me something extra special for my birthday, but honestly, I just can't think of anything I need or want. I figure every time he has to get up in the middle of the night and fetch me whatever I may be craving as this pregnancy progresses, will be plenty of birthday present!! That and I wish this pregnancy won't be any more uncomfortable than necessary and we deliver a healthy son!! We'll go out for dinner with my family at an Italian place I love on my birthday. They make all the pasta and gnocchi fresh on the premises and I just love, love, love the food!!! mmmmmm, good!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 12:50:00 PM~#~~

Peaceful Weekend
Saturday was a good day to drive my mom to my sister's house and show them all the ultrasound video and pictures. It was fun and nice, but I felt awful for my BIL who's back was hurting him so bad he couldn't even get off the bed. I'm so lucky never to have been afflicted with those kind of problems. He had taken muscle relaxants and other prescription meds, and nothing seemed to be helping. My sister called me later in the day, in tears, cuz she just can't stand to see him in so much pain. There really isn't anything anyone can do for him. It's hard. Today he's doing better, but I was so worried that neither of them got any sleep last night. Mom and sister and nephew all liked the pics and video and sister was amazed at how much better they are now, compared to 16 years ago when she had one. It's true, you really can see so much. Our scanner is broken, but the Rock Star bought a new one yesterday, so I'm hoping to get the pics scanned in and posted pretty soon.

Today when my sister called me, she described the list of instructions her 15 year old son left for the care of his Goldfish and Beta fish last night while he stayed at a friend's house. He is just totally into his fish, and I think it's neat. Sister remarked how he wanted $10 for a small fish tank for sale at Wal-mart and they were having a hard time finding it. They're not broke, but they don't have money to throw around, either (who does?). I can't believe I didn't think of it before, but I have a very nice, big aquarium with heater, aerator and a bunch of other stuff, just sitting in the basement. I asked if she thought he'd be interested, and she said, "Are you kidding?! He'll flip!!". So she came over to get it and I tucked some cash in there so he could go buy some other supplies, maybe a book. I wish I could see his face when he comes home today and finds it!!!

Yesterday I was feeling very crabby, and now I feel really good. I hope the good feeling will translate into productivity, cuz it's invoice time again. I did get a few done yesterday, but not even half. If I push it today, I can mail them tomorrow. They're only a week late at this point. Only. heh! But even if I don't get the invoices done, I did manage to clear a space out in the basement by giving away the fish tank!! That's something.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 12:49:00 PM~#~~

Friday, March 19, 2004

Belly Pics
We finally got around to taking a pic of me and my belly. Here's the link. This was taken the day after our Ultrasound and I'm at 16 weeks, 3 days. The last several days have been a blur of happiness and excitement over being pregnant. Now that we know he's a he, we've been working on boy names. The current front runner is Zander. I love this name, cuz it's out of the ordinary but not too far. I figure if he's a cool kid, Zander as a name will make him even cooler, and if he's a geek (with his parentage, this is a very real possibility), Zander won't be such a bad geek name. I spend all kinds of time daydreaming about what he'll be like. I hope he still likes me when he grows up.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:08:00 PM~#~~

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I hate corporate crap.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 6:53:00 PM~#~~

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Our Little Porn Star
Ultra-sound and Amnio today and all went well. Our child was not the least bit shy showing off his penis and testicles! From the angle I was laying, it was hard for me to understand everything I saw on the screen, but that part was pretty clear, no matter how you look at it. We're very excited! We wanted a boy!! Everything looked normal on the ultra-sound and the amnio went without a hitch. I looked away and kept my breathing calm and it was only a tiny bit uncomfortable. Quite bearable. There was a short period afterward where I felt cramping, but that's normal and lasted 20 minutes at the most. We had to wait around the hospital for my RoGam shot. I have a negative blood type and this shot makes sure that my immune system doesn't attack the baby (cuz he is most likely a positive blood type). Once we finally got done, we came home, let the dogs out and my husband took me out for a nice dinner. I'm under orders to take it very easy the next couple days, so I'm gonna start by going to bed early. I'm bushed. Happy, but tired.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 8:20:00 PM~#~~

Monday, March 15, 2004

Big Day Tomorrow
Tomorrow (Tuesday 3/16) is our first Ultra-sound and the Amniocentesis. I'm pretty excited, but a bit nervous, too. Staying focused on the positive, we may be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl in there. If our little darling has any porn star aspirations, they'll flash their bits at the technician and we'll know right then. If we have a more demure child, we'll have to wait for the results of the Amnio in a couple of weeks.

We're not doing Amnio solely to find out the gender. At my age there is a higher chance of Down's Syndrome (1 out of 82), or other chromosomal problems (1 out of 51). Of course, we're at a much higher risk of having a perfectly normal, healthy baby, so I'm not overly concerned about the results. I read that Amnio can detect 400 possible defects and abnormalities. I figure if we use the Amnio to rule out those 400, that'll only leave me 6,000 other possible problems to worry about.

If you happen to be reading this around 2:30 - 3:00 pm CST, please cheer and clap to encourage the wee one to show us the goods. I'll post whatever we find out when I get home.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 9:55:00 PM~#~~

Stupid and Thoughtless
Fuck! I'm so sick of stupid and thoughtless people. I question whether I should be in a customer service business at all. I just erased a whole paragraph of trying to describe what this one stupid thoughtless bitch of a client did to piss me off and fuck if it's not too much to try to explain it all. Just suffice to say that I am pissed off with how some people think their time is so much more valuable than someone else's. Stupid person can sit over there and think I sit by my phone waiting on her pathetic ass to return my call from a week ago, or she might wise up some and realize that other people have lives and jobs, too and if you wait a whole fucking week to return a call, your spot might be gone... Then when I do speak with her finally, she spends all the time telling me how busy she is and why. It totally escaped her when I pointed out that I understand about being busy, cuz I'm busy, too. You don't see me waiting a fucking week to return a fucking call, though do ya'? Stupid. Fucking. Thoughtless. Bitch.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 9:42:00 PM~#~~

Friday, March 12, 2004

I can see that the boxes I'm clearing out are gonna provide inspiration for some blog entries. Here's the latest. One of the boxes I did yesterday (I did three), contained files from when I had a "real" job in a corporate office. There's a stack of old performance reviews. I threw most of them away, cuz, seriously, no need to hang onto crap like that... One of them though, I'd forgotten about. It was (and is) the funniest thing I've ever seen on a performance review. Here it is:

"The Procrastinatrix is articulate and has good communication skills, but sometimes these skills are overused, or used inappropriately."

OMG, I remember laughing my ass off when I got that review. You gotta understand that I have always gotten stellar reviews and raises and praise and all that crap, but during that one period in my life (after I had been widowed), I was suffering from depression and didn't give flying fuck about work or any other damn thing...This poor dear manager (she really was a sweetie) had to write this review and give it to me. She thought I was gonna be so upset. I think she was pretty shocked that I laughed and agreed and complimented her on her diplomacy skills. I mean, is that the nicest way you've ever heard some one called an opinionated, somewhat belligerent big mouth before, or what?
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 10:39:00 AM~#~~

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Speaking of Procrastinating
I started to work on boxes again today, and I'll get back to that, really I will. In the meantime, I figured I'd try to post some of the pics I found yesterday. Now I wasn't kidding about the scanner being broken. What you see below are pictures of pictures I took with my digital camera. Not the best quality, but think of it as special effects. This won't be Lord of the Rings quality special effects folks, so just play along, k? Looking back into the murky (and at my age, it is very murky) past, our memories can be somewhat fuzzy...

What's this we see? Far back, a long time ago a very young (5 year old) Procrastinatrix was a butterfly in a dance pageant...

Skipping ahead we see a Sweet 16 Procrastinatrix on her driver's license:

Ahh, the glory of youth. Here we see two pictures of the Procrastinatrix at her one and only modeling session (that turned out to be some guy trying to get our innocent (HA!!) heroine to remove her clothing for the camera):

What has become of the sweet Procrastinatrix in the intervening (is that a word?) years? She's 40 now and has become a wife and soon to be mother!!! (hint: she's not the one wearing a lime green spandex mini-dress). And who is that handsome man (not the one wearing lime green spandex shorts)? Why it's the Rock Star!!!

There you go. Flash from the past all the way to a couple of weeks ago. Hope you had fun, and didn't laugh yourself into a choking fit!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 3:10:00 PM~#~~

Blog it Forward
I am the Procrastinatrix. It's a lifestyle. It's the way I am. I'm trying to be better, but in the mean time, there is a list of things I've procrastinated on. Today I'm crossing one off. Buzz called Blog it Forward day yesterday, and I didn't do it yet. So I'm doing it today, a day late and a dollar short.

I'm gonna make this short and sweet. Go read Jenn the Java Diva at Mommy Needs Coffee. She is all the things I totally dig in a blogger: A real person, with real stories both funny (really, really funny most times) and sad and smart. The wisdom of the Magic Bean (coffee) is hers to impart. Make yourself a cuppa joe and partake.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 2:26:00 PM~#~~

Not Relieved...
...a couple days ago I wrote that my friend did a hard thing, and I thought he was gonna be ok. Well, I guess I was wrong. Since Saturday I have been focusing all my thoughts and energy on helping him break free of what I believe is a really, really bad relationship. I know (and agree with) all the rules about not getting into this stuff with friends, cuz they can pick the girlfriend and then you lose them, or that I should let him be a grown up and make his own decisions. This situation is very different or I never would have stepped in as far as I did. But it is and I did. So now he's probably going back with her, and all of us (friends and family) have come out and said we don't like her and think it's a bad relationship. I don't want to abandon him and I've told him so, but I feel like he's getting pressure from her to be with her, and from me to break free and I'm not doing him any good. I'm also terribly afraid that if I let go, she'll have him for sure and I'll have let him make the biggest mistake of his life. But I know I can't make his decisions for him. I told him this morning that I'll be available for him 24 hours a day, but that I'm done pressuring him about this. He has to make his own choice and live with it. He's heard and understood everything I have to say about why this is a bad relationship, and he'll just have to decide for himself. I feel some relief, but I also feel like I'm abandoning him. This whole situation is bad, and I wish it weren't happening.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 2:16:00 PM~#~~

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

The Great Purge Continues
The husband brought me up like 8 more boxes in the last few days and today I polished 'em all off!!! Yahooo!!! I wonder if this is nesting? I also found $2.89 while going through them. That brings the total to $7.89. Oh, and here's the funniest thing. I found a speech I wrote at the end of my senior year in High School. OMG I can't believe I was ever that naive. It was just so very heartfelt. Too fucking precious. I found pics from age 6 (butterfly in a dance class pageant), college (dorm mates and college boyfriend- jerk!!!), and modeling shots (some guy told me I should be a model, and tried to convince me I should take off my shirt for the pics, yeah, well, even then I knew better. I waited til I was 40 for all the naughty nudies, and you better believe those are very safely tucked away on my hard drive. Digital only (no print) for that sort of thing!!). The Rock Star will not believe these are me. I was soooooo thin you could practically see through me. Not that I'm fat now, but this was less than 100 pounds soaking wet thin. Cute as hell with my 80s perm. Too bad the scanner is busted. I know you wanna see 'em!!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 4:15:00 PM~#~~

Happy Birthday, Beena!!!
Today is the 7th birthday of my beautiful mastiff puppy. She is one of the bright lights of my life and the actual reason I am still here with you all today. There never has been as sweet a dog as this, a perfect angel. I don't mind the drooling, farting & snoring, why would I when it is all further proof that my beloved dog lives and breathes? There is nothing in the world like tapping away at your computer, or falling asleep at night to the sound of a snoring mastiff right next to you. There is no feeling better than to be snuggled up on the couch with my wonderful husband next to me and my 150 pound dog laying across our laps. She has huge, soft, squeezably jowly lips and she doesn't mind me kissing 'em. She does the happy dance when I serve her breakfast. She knows when I am sad or upset and will come stand next to me, lending her love and support. She is my first baby and she always will be. Happy Birthday to my Beena and please, please, please may she have many more.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 11:29:00 AM~#~~

Back in Circulation
Yesterday as I was cleaning out boxes, I found a $5 bill in one of them. That $5 has been in that box since July of 1995. I took it out and stuck it in my pocket and didn't think too much of it. Today I went to Jamba Juice and got my usual Cherry Charger (mmmmm, good) and paid for it with the $5 bill. As I was handing it over I was thinking, how weird. That bill has been out of circulation and now it's back in the game, so to speak. Makes you wonder, where they come from and where they go. Well, it makes me wonder. I've got that kind of weird head.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 11:14:00 AM~#~~

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

State of the Procrastinatrix
Since I haven't blogged about it in several days I should tell you that I STILL have this mofo cold. Or another one, doesn't matter, I'm still sick. I blew my nose only twice last week, but it screwed up my ears, and for days now my hearing is muffled and tinny. Kind of like when your ears don't pop after the plane lands, except many sounds have a vibration to them like when you see a stereo speaker vibrating. Know what I mean? No? Lucky you. It sucks. Sinus's still runny and chest still full of phlegm. Not a tight chest, but still coughing up gunk. Hard to sleep at night. Ain't I just a treat? Imagine my poor husband's life right now.

Speaking of sleeping, I read in my Pregnancy Week by Week book that I should start getting used to sleeping on my side. Sleeping on my back (my super favorite most comfortable position) isn't good for me because my uterus is big enough to interfere with the circulation of a major blood vessel. Not good for me or the baby. OK. Fine. I slept on my side quite a bit last night. It helped to have a pillow between my knees, but my shoulders and hips still got tired. I tried wedging the pillow behind my back so I could lay partway on my back without cutting off the circulation, and it was ok, but cumbersome to be fucking around with that pillow everytime I needed to change positions (something I do a lot, especially when I'm sick). I went online this morning to look at Pregnancy Pillows. The Snoogle Deluxe looks nice, but I turn over a lot. I wonder how it works for people like me? An expensive experiment. Also in looking over the various products available, I wonder how I can use one and still snuggle with my husband. We do still actually enjoy sleeping together, for the snuggle factor, and I hate to lose it. Anyone out there with ideas of how you solved this problem, I'd love to hear...

The Rock Star made lasagna for dinner last nite. It was DEEEEE-licious. mmmmm, good. Best of all, we have left overs for lunch and dinner for a few days.

I read about on someone's blog (can't remember who). It's an online resource for getting your home organized and keeping it that way. I like the idea of email reminders to do stuff, and her approach of taking baby steps is really smart. I started trying to follow her program this weekend and feel really good about it. I'm not focusing on the house cleaning aspect much, cuz we have a cleaning woman come in twice a month (business write-off for boarding dogs. heh!!), but more on using her reminders to help me declutter. My husband brought 10 boxes up from the basement several months ago, cuz I promised I would go through them and throw/give stuff away. Yesterday, due to FlyLady reminders I went through 7 of them. Today he brought me 5 more.

Our idea is to go through every box, bag, closet, cupboard and drawer in this house to get rid of as much stuff as we can. I want to choose items to keep for memorabilia or that we know we'll actually use at some point and store it all properly (labeled rubbermaid tubs). All the rest of it is crap we don't need. My goal is to have all this done (and there is a lot), plus our stuff packed for the move upstairs, by July 1st. We asked the tenants to move out by June 1st. Then we'll remodel and clean up the upstairs apartment to live in when the baby comes home in early September. While we're living up there, the downstairs can be remodeled and eventually (hopefully within a year) we'll be living in the whole house. This'll mean we'll have a baby's room, a master bedroom, guest bedroom, office and a beautiful sunny playroom, plus bathroom upstairs. Downstairs will be kitchen, dining room, bath room, living room & large foyer. When we have a second child we'll be able to turn the guest bedroom into another child's room. Some day we can finish off the attic and basement and have even more space. If we want to move to a better school district when the baby is old enough, we can buy another house and this one can be a rental again. That's the plan anyhow. We all know about the best laid plans, eh?
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 2:12:00 PM~#~~

Monday, March 08, 2004

I spent the whole weekend and much of today on someone and it was worth it. I can't go into details here, because that would be disrespectful of my dear friend and I wouldn't do that to him. He had to do a hard thing, I supported him as best I could and I think finally he's gonna be ok.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 6:46:00 PM~#~~

Friday, March 05, 2004

So There I Was...
...walking this dog. We'll call him "Freakboy". Freakboy is a 8 month old highly excitable Welsh Springer Spaniel who pulls like a mother fuckin' racehorse (even on the Gentle Leader). He is really hard to keep in control. If I let the leash out even a little, he hits the end so hard it can pull me down. and I'm a professional folks, do not try this at home. So I have him on a nice tight leash and I'm gingerly picking my way down their UNSHOVELED steps (did I mention we got whomped with 6 inches of sloppy wet snow last night?), when all of a sudden some dumbass calls out "Freakboy!!!! " in a high-pitched, excited voice. Freakboy lunged hard forward and I almost smashed into the steps. I barely kept my footing. I look up and it's the mother fucking mailman walking towards us, all excited and offering a treat. Fer Fuck sake, man, what the hell is wrong with you? Can't you see this dog is about to drag me down on my face and you're doing everything you can to get him more excited AND offering a treat reward at the same time. Have I mentioned how I hate stupid people? Oh, yeah, I did mention that. OK, so dumbass is doing everything he can to get my skull smashed on the steps, and even when I told him Freakboy did not deserve a treat, gave it to him anyway. GRRRRRRR. Didn't even apologize. I'm gonna get me one of those things, you know, the leather thongs with weights on the ends, that Australian aborigines can throw and they wrap around your ankles and drag you down. Teach myself to use it really well, then lay in wait for that stupid fucking mailman. See how he likes it. No jury in the land will convict me.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 3:41:00 PM~#~~

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Guess What!?
I finished The DaVinci Code. I liked it a lot. You should read it.
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 4:50:00 PM~#~~

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

To Whom it May Concern
Hello there. In case any one was wondering, I am actually still alive. I just wish I wasn't. Since Saturday, I've been getting my ass kicked all over town by a chest cold. Today is the first day I have to just lay around for several hours, and I think I'm gonna start the DaVinci Code. Wish my lungs luck in starting to break up and expel the concrete block of crud that's been weighing me down for several days. It's just my luck that I get over the nausea only to host a germ party in my body. YeeeeHawwww!!
~the Procrastinatrix got around to it @ 1:23:00 PM~#~~

Inspired Procrastination